Shutdown

I grew up in the south.  The Deep South.  Kids were seen and not heard.  This thinking allowed my sister and I to work heavily on social ques and facial expressions.  Our facial expressions are good!  If you know one or both of us you know what I'm talking about?  We can make you laugh without saying a single word.  As hard as I try, this becomes my norm in new situations.

This kid is still awesome.

Whenever I am thrown into a new situation, I shutdown.  Not to the point where no work is getting done, but enough for my eccentricities to be non-essential.  So my opinions and two-cents stay shut inside, my loud contagious guffaw of a laugh turns into a silent or more respectable giggle, my facial expressions become mild and boring.  The important things are making sure I am understood as a capable, efficient human being. Period.

 So if you read the blog about my Strengths you know that Self-Assurance sits proudly at the top of that list.  However, this is not the case in new situations.  When a started grad school, my internship, or any new job I've had my second and third strengths take over.

They are Strategic and Adaptability. Pause.  I like to think of them like Mars' Moons 'Phobos and Deimos' also known as Fear and Dread.  Planetary Nerd. Unpause.  My Self-Assurance goes away completely and becomes susceptible to attack.  So my Strategic Strength plans a counter-attack.  I always decide to shut up and listen up.  I begin to pay attention to every person around me.  The things they say, they way they move, the jokes they tell, the people they hang around, the looks they give, the clothes they wear, the way they brush there hair, how comfortable they are in big groups and small groups, how they spend their free time, and how they present them self online.  I want to see it all.  Why? Because.  Those of you that know me know that my personality is not one for the faint of heart.  It has been my experience that people are on board with me or they are a million miles away.  I want to know how everyone reacts to every thing...to see how they will react to me. I want to know who can handle 100% Patrick 100% of the time.

Phobos and Deimos

 While this is happening internally...my Adaptability is taking over externally.  It is making sure that I am quiet and going unnoticed.  It's laughing that jokes that are and aren't funny, it's being cordial to everyone, it's participating in GroupThink. Pause.  That's a pretty big one for me.  I HATE GroupThink, anytime I feel it happening I go against it even if it makes me look like a fool.  Even more so, I can't stand wearing the same thing as other people.  Except for those VT HRL Polos & Quarter Zips...those are awesome.  Thanks VT HRL (I ain't trying to lose my job! You should be able to imagine my facial expression right now.) That was a solid plug for VT HRL. Unpause.  These mechanisms have been in place my entire life.  I always do this.  Because, there is always that one person that walks up to me and says something that completely aligns with my Self-Assurance. Through the shield of Strategic and Adaptability.  This person always turns out to be a friend I didn't see coming, because I wasn't trying to find a friend...I was just trying to fit in so I can know where I stand out.

Now, as I write I realize you may be thinking, "Patrick, that seems pretty two-faced.  You are choosing to not be who you are.  That's not right."  Well, let me tell you child.  It is exactly me.  It's a part of me that lasts about 2 weeks in new situations.  I'm sure you do some semblance of it too.  If I didn't do it I wouldn't have a leg to stand on.  I always tell people that my Self-Assurance Strength is more relational than anything.  Does that make sense?  I can't be me if everyone around me is pretending to be less than who they are.  It's uncomfortable. When you know yourself to a "T" you tend to come off as a jack@$$ to those that aren't ready to experience your awesomeness. <--Did you see that coming?  That back door brag about myself?  No?  Well that's what I'm talking about.  I am Truth over Peace.  I give it to you straight, and I hope that you have the tools to bounce back.  I've tried the spoonful of sugar nonsense, but I'm no Mary Poppins.  I really don't care how the medicine goes down.  But I do want to see you get up after them medicine has done its job.  I do hope that through my experiences and strength you find the nuances that make you unique and hold them to everyone's face and say, "This is me.  What are you going to do about it?"

Tricking kids into medicine.  SMH.

My Self-Assurance is a sounding board for your Self-Assurance.  My Strategic and Adaptability are bouncers during my "Shutdown".  They're seeing who wants to learn from my Self-Assurance.  This is the Self-Assurance Club, cover is resiliency.  Who wants to party?


Peace,

PTJ